Delhi Diaries Part-4/4

Sitting in the middle of the dark and messy room, the door opened with a screeching sound and a bottle rolling down, well it was magic moments and now I am shattered inside as well as outside.

She sat beside me taking her hand, I hugged her and cried for hours and even she was sobbing. “Real love do shed tears with you” she said proudly, and then our few drags that serves themselves as a solution for every problem in this world.

The bitter night passed away and this time there was no good morning text to make everything alright, my head was spinning as I could not get over yet.

Lying down on bed tears rolled down again and this time I pulled myself up, left the bed without a second thought.

Every step I took outside the hostel, I looked back to find him, maybe he has realised his mistake, what if he comes and couldn’t find me? It was hard to move forward with a heavy head.

So I decided to run, I ran till my college gate and there he was from whom I was running watching me panting.

He came close to me, hold me from my waist, placing his both the hands on my neck lifting up my face to him, he expressed his wish to kiss me publicly. I was daydreaming while he stood there across the lane. He still doesn’t have the guts to approach me with an uncovered face.

He followed me to a distance, as if I will shoot him if he will come near, instead I was longing for him to come and hold me.

“Please give me a chance to explain, I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”

His words were enough to weaken my soul, I wished to grab him, push him, slap him and ask whether he even loved me for a single second, while my another intuition was haunting me that the answer to this question is going to be even intense even more than yesterday.

“Ashima Rauthan, the very first day I saw you on your fest till this day, you have been very special to me, I feel relaxed in your arms, loved by you, you make me feel important, you cared for me, you did everything you are perfect, I don’t want to lose you, but yes I didn’t have the courage, that I still don’t have.

This time there is only truth no hidden words or twisted words, Can you please come back to me. Please”

What a great speech he had prepared, my heart just slipped out and I turned to ask various questions. “Whom do you want back, a girlfriend or a friend with benefits?”

He was hesitant but this time he didn’t lie, “friend with benefits?”

I wondered what I should even consider my love for him or his lust towards me, I wasn’t ready to let him go at least as it was the last chance to hold him.

My heart won once again through all the unrealistic convincing arguments and I once more agreed half-heartedly to be his friend with benefits.

I never found him relieved to such an extend as if he threw a burden over from his head, he was again that flirtatious man whom I once met, we relived all those memories that we had being friends, now I was missing being his girlfriend but it was the only reality of our relationship. I wanted to unfold the other aspects of this relationship as well.

Though they were not that far as benefits came along with the word friend. I believed at least one place is still there where he will make love to me.

This time he was immensely passionate, beginning from my toes biting and licking them to moving to my calves and thighs caressing them with his tongue, he spanked my butt hard, licked my clit and sucked my vagina inside him, kissed my navel, he moved to my boobs and pressed them hard and turning them red with his bites, as if someone tried to suck the blood out of them.

My neck was all black and blue and I was hurt till deep inside me when he called it the ‘ultimate pleasure.’

I looked at myself in the mirror, this time he wasn’t standing beside me to make me believe on my beauty and his love, as there was no such thing now. I consoled myself because this wasn’t love these marks were justifying the benefits.

I thought the truth broke me but this wasn’t true. It was my love that broke me, that hit me so hard on my butts leaving his finger prints.

I picked up my clothes wore them in silence and slammed the door for forever.

It was not only just the end of a fucking relationship, it was the end of my college, my hostel, end of inhaling this intoxicated air, end of all the tantrums of auto drivers, there I placed my period.

As I gave up on complying as per the needs of Delhi.