Friends Without Benefits

Crowd is my place as getting lost among all those who crave for the limelight, I could perform all my mismatched dance steps while boozing with that 200 bucks beer which was cheaper compared to the bottle of water.

I realised my fitted white shirt turned transparent with those patches of blue, orange, yellow, red revealing the curves and my grey bra.

Fuck those heavy water showers which serves themselves as mandatory when it comes to Holi, the whole crowd at this JLN stadium was either drunk like me or were like those couple performing their intimate scenes on the dance floor, water showers and under trees as well.

There were some girls trying to flatter those guards who were protecting those packets of colours as their only inherited property.

My only saviour was this bottle as I believe kissing it is an overall less dramatic, until my eyes met this hunk from my school whom I used to call my crush till tenth standard, as later he was expelled from the school for his misbehaviour.

I tried every possible way to hid myself behind my friend until I found him coming straight to me, there he was standing in front of me.

“Hey! Anushka, Remember me?”

His memory was the ultimate shock for the day, still I carried my first bencher attitude to him which was overtaken by him and I realised that he was the one driving the car, while I was on the rear seat.

Anyway meeting your crush after long gives you a learner’s licence to attempt some silly mistakes, as I confessed my age old secret by letting him know about my crush on him. “Well in that case I would like to meet a sober Anushka.” His words flattered me.

My desperation to meet him was on cloud nine. Our first date reminded me of all the failed relationships of mine, same beginning with those butterflies in the stomach to all those over the top dramatic issues and finally the tissue crying. I don’t need such crap anymore.

While he had his head full with something else, he dropped two bombs on me, first he will be leaving the country by next year, second he wanted to have me as friends with benefits.

We live in a space where we can date a fuckboy, loose our heart to him but we won’t go for the benefits as we consider it as unethical, but this wasn’t with me. There was this realisation whether being drunk or sober, I am going to drive my life throughout with that learner’s licence only.

Taking the decision wasn’t that difficult and maintaining it would be even easier as all you have to do is getting rid of your clothes, take the pleasures put your head up and move ahead. My mind was flattered by the idea from the movie while my heart was still swinging.

It was fun, our casual meetings at each other’s places, I was never this much active in my sexual life and yes he was amazing with his every move, from walking bare shirt to lying naked beside me.

Sometimes he acted romantic as well when he made me sit on his thighs, hug me when I was emotional, cuddle me during my menstrual cramps and even cooked those spicy Maggie and tea, the only things he knew in terms of cooking.

Though I was not allowed to come in front of his family and friends in terms of our actual relationship, we were fine old school friends during all those dinners and lunch, where he used to remove his shoes skilfully and touch my feet, then calf, and his flexible leg reaches to my inner thighs under those table covers, making me horny for him.

The growing unofficial contact between us beyond our official benefits soon turned infectious, his accessibility in my life increased with time and circumstances. I felt his need every time I closed my eyes to introspect and opened them with a jerk. He was hovering upon me day and night.

All my attempts to ignore my conscience were in vain, until that day it was December 22, 2018. My 24th Birthday where a pleasant surprise was waiting for me, there was man to escort me on the path of rose petals, a candle light dinner where the staff of this hotel performed for me, all I was waiting for a ring in my wine glass. As if all the stars were in my favour tonight, I practiced saying yes to him hundredth time.

When I saw a blink on his screen it was a message, no a mail where his application for work visa was approved, he hold me high in his arms and kissed me desperately.

There was no ring in the glass, my expectations, dreams all shattered with the falling of that wine glass. Still I smiled till and we fucked ferociously once again in this five star hotel room.

I buried everything inside me and accompanied him to the airport where he covered me and we entered the men’s washroom, his passion to fuck me was intact he pulled me up and pushed to the wall, throwing my clothes on the floor, holding his body was the naked body of mine, willing to let him know about my immense love for him my eyes were filled with tears and all I wanted him to take me along with him.

For the very first time in these nine months he kissed my forehead and said, “I had an amazing stuff with you, Will you come to meet me? Or you can try your work visa, I really want to continue this friends with benefits.”

All I had was nothing to say, deep inside I wanted him with or without benefits but my words had no control on them, “I am getting engaged next month.”

He left in astonishment, and I shrugged myself with a satisfaction of not dragging my feelings.