One of the craziest things one can experience as a romantic lover is having to deal with an emotionally unavailable partner. The thought of this can make you feel crazy, making you think about what could be wrong or about something that you’ve said which is causing them to act in that way.
You might have had a really long and hard day at work but might be feeling hesitant about telling your partner about it. You might even try to start a conversation with them but they are not interested or they probably don’t have anything to say to you. They are often very dismissive of your feelings when you tell them about it and act defensive when you try to tell them about how you feel. All of this sums up how people describe. an emotionally unavailable partner.
It is a really painful thing if you have to experience all of this. The loneliness that comes with it is killing. You feel quite isolated all the time from your partner and sometimes feel like you are not enough for them. This sometimes can cause the receiving partner to look somewhere else for emotional support.
But here is one thing about it. Doing everything to pull your partner closer tends to push them further away from you which is exactly the opposite of what you want to achieve.
This article explains what you can do when your partner is emotionally unavailable. This article speaks from a personal experience and can help you overcome this easily.
Understand that emotions are not about action but rather about the connection
Disconnected couples often feel performing certain actions can bring about the needed spark or fill the void they are experiencing in their relationship. This is not always so, going on more dates or trying to please your partner without the emotional connection is going to be a futile effort. The best way to connect with an emotionally unavailable partner is to find out what is causing the disconnection.
Figure out the cause of the emotional unavailability
One common pattern that happens with couples is what is referred to as the “Pursuer-Distancer-Pattern.” Relationships that often experience conflicts see one partner seeking out the other’s attention, or action. This is mostly common in heterosexual relationships. The more one partner pursues the more the other partner distances himself or herself. This is because they can’t manage their conflicts and disagreements. If you are experiencing this in your relationship, the best way to solve it to consider if this is a constant occurrence with your relationship and by finding out the topics that you aren’t discussing properly.
Factor in your partner’s stress level
One big factor that makes partners emotionally unavailable is stress. Partners are most times confronted with stress from work, from family and this stress can hurt their mental energy. Another thing is depression. A partner suffering from depression can often cause them to pull away thus, making them emotionally unavailable. The best way to overcome this is to have open communication with your partner where you can discuss in details what is going on. Being able to support your partner when they are stressed or depressed is one skill that can develop and grow a good relationship.
Evaluate your approach to conflict
The way you approach conflict with your partner goes a long way to determine their response and emotional availability. When feedback on certain issues is delivered back as criticism, it might be hard to build a connection that way. If you bring up issues in a way that is criticising and blaming or in a rather harsh way or when the timing is wrong, it can drive your partner farther away from you. Bad timing like when they are busy with chores or trying to prepare the kids for school. It is important to always take note that your partner’s emotional unavailability is not just their problem, it is important to work on yourself too by understanding that you are in the mix. This will help with making better decisions when it comes to resolving conflicts.
Find a solid repair strategy
Your partner can shut you down and turn you off when you bring up certain issues. You both might get a little oversensitive even when the issue has been settled.
Getting things back on track when issues escalate between two partners is what repair entails. It can be getting each other to play a card game or physical touching. Just anything to defuse the built-up tension. Doing this helps you communicate better with your partner and it makes them understand that even when there is no solution in place yet, you love them and you are always on their side.
A big catch, in holding your partner during a conflict, you have to be sure they are on the same page as you. They have to like being held just so you can avoid the issue escalating further.
Other things that can help deal with an emotionally unavailable partner is to
- Increase the positive interaction between you two.
- Take responsibility when you are wrong.
- Be patient and be vulnerable.
- Return to calm when the issue escalates.
- Get help if the situation becomes worse.
Dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner can be very draining but, understanding your partner and following the guide in this write-up can help you deal with them better and help you get them to be emotionally available.