How To Make Them Chase You?
Do you often find yourself being the one to pursue, to chase people you’re interested in? Have you ever wanted the roles to be reversed? How much effort should you invest in gaining others’ interest? While it may seem trivial to spend time on these questions, experiencing the feeling of being wanted can be gratifying. It’s important to recognize that true peace and love come from self-love, self-validation, and contentment. External appreciation and attention won’t provide the fulfillment and love you deserve without these internal factors.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about what you came here for. The secret to being magnetic, to having that indescribable pull. How do you get someone you’re interested in to chase you?
A common mistake people make when seeking more in a relationship is trying to appear excessively indifferent or “cool.” Have you ever found yourself doing this – avoiding requests, fearing to be perceived as demanding, and refraining from expressing your desires due to concerns about losing value in the other person’s eyes? The misconception is that your value lies in being laid-back, indifferent, easygoing, and convenient. There’s a worry that if you start asking for what you truly want, the other person might decide to end the relationship.
There’s a perceived sense of security in portraying oneself as cool and indifferent, giving without expecting anything in return. It’s like wearing a mask because we believe it’s what others want, we believe it’s what we need to do make ourselves easy to be with. This behavior feels safe because it reduces the risk of rejection – if we don’t ask for anything or make life difficult, if we simply aim to please them. However, there’s also the realization that if rejection occurs, we can dismiss it by saying, “I wasn’t really expecting anything anyway.” This approach seems protective, but it actually exposes us to being taken advantage of. We become vulnerable to being either overlooked by those who take our generosity for granted or targeted by malicious individuals who see an opportunity to manipulate someone unwilling to assert their needs.
Being the cool, indifferent person who gives a lot without expecting anything, while appearing safe, is actually detrimental to attraction for another reason. To sustain attraction, individuals need to feel a sense of caring, and what often goes unnoticed is the psychology of attraction tied to investment. Investing in someone or something creates a connection and fosters genuine interest. Confidence in maintaining personal standards can alter how others perceive and feel about you. It suggests substance and worth, making them invest emotionally, creating momentum in the attraction process. Simply adhering to and maintaining personal standards can influence how someone views and feels attracted to you.
It’s essential to leverage this psychology in our dating lives. The belief that remaining indispensable by not asking for investment may seem effective, but it actually denies the other person the opportunity to invest in us, which is crucial for fostering genuine care. Think about it this way. Compare having your own garden that you cultivate to a public park you visit. When you leave a public park, do you think, “I must leave this in great condition because I care about what happens next to this park,” or do you just go, “I’m done with it now”? Sure, you may not intentionally damage the public park, but you don’t have any emotional attachment to it, either. Meanwhile, you cherish your garden because you’ve invested time and effort into it. It becomes a source of pride and fulfillment. You love that garden because you invest in it. Relationships are the same.
Let’s become a bit braver, less reserved, and more honest. It’s time to dare to express our needs and make reasonable requests. We should move away from a pattern of playing it cool or being overly agreeable. Recognizing that genuine and fulfilling relationships arise from being brave enough to communicate our desires is essential.
But, like everything else in life, there needs to be a balance. Being overly eager and unable to read social cues is also unattractive. So how cool should you play it?
In the early stages of dating, finding the right balance can be a bit tricky. There’s a concern about not coming on too strong and potentially making the other person uncomfortable. So, we often find ourselves holding back certain aspects of who we really are, those parts that genuinely want to come forward. Take affection, for example. You might really enjoy it, but there’s this fear of showing too much and coming off as overly intense. Similarly, you might value quality time, but you hold back a bit, not wanting to appear too available. It’s like navigating this fine line of being cool without being overly distant, you know?
Here are five points to consider:
1-Encourage people to keep trying with you by small actions that communicate interest or desire. These could include light touches, compliments, or expressing enjoyment after a date.
2-Understand that attraction is not a constant truth but an evolving feeling. Think of it like a photograph – a snapshot in time. Showing interest today doesn’t mean it’s a forever commitment. Your interest can change based on reciprocation and connection.
3-Maintain your personal power by demonstrating independence and the ability to enjoy yourself in social situations. Avoid being overly clingy, as it’s essential to create space for the other person to miss you.
4-Be more concerned about finding someone who is a match for you rather than scaring away someone with genuine interest. If your needs for affection or quality time scare someone away, it’s an indication they may not be compatible with you.
5-Your standards, not indifference, allow you to hold on to your power. Communicate interest, observe the response, and if the person can’t meet your needs, maintain your standards and be willing to move on. Having standards rooted in self-trust and knowing you can be happy without someone is more powerful than playing it cool out of fear.
So, to sum it up – don’t be afraid to ask for your needs to be met. Don’t feel like you need to play it cool to be worthy of love. But in the same way, figure out what your boundaries are and defend them. Be ready to walk away if they aren’t being met. When you understand your power, that’s when you’ll truly get people to chase you.
