My Love For Christian Grey!
Just yesterday, I heard a colleague comment that it’s an unhealthy trend among today’s youth to get too emotionally invested in fictional characters. The comment hit me, and it sent me back to the time I got too emotionally invested in a character from a book. Unhealthy or not, I cannot honestly say, but I truly relished every passing second of it. And so, today I’m gonna talk about how I fell in love with Christian Grey.
I remember my friends had already gotten into a frenzy over the book when I was yet to even start reading it. I didn’t trust their judgment too much, and thought it would be the usual much ado about nothing. It took a twisted ankle and a week-long bedrest with nothing to do, to finally make me start reading Fifty Shades of Grey. God, I’ve never been more grateful to twisted ankles in my life!
His first appearance was the usual tall, handsome chiseled features but with the extra topping of the cold and ruthless businessman vibe, that made me smack my lips in anticipation. It was a good beginning, but not enough to hook me. After the first meeting they would ‘co-incidentally’ keep running into each other and I thought… that’s charming. But nothing more. He sought her attention and flirted with her till she couldn’t think straight, but would always walk away like it was nothing, every damn time. You tell me if a really hot guy uttered the words, ‘I could just take off my clothes’ out of the blue in a departmental store, and simply walked away without so much as a backwards glance, won’t you want to just smash everything in sight? I’d feel so unfulfilled, but he would always leave me itching for more. And then came the strangest proposal of all times. Sorry, not a proposal. It was a ‘proposition for sexual partnership’! That’s right. Strictly business.
“Ok, and what do I get out of this?”
“Me.”
Such a pompous ass!
For the first time ever in my life did I ever encounter the concept of ‘anal fisting’ and someone wanting to guide the person they were in a relationship with, on what to eat, dress and how much to exercise. If one really started thinking though, it is not too unreasonable, just extremely unromantic. But he never claimed to be romantic.
What he claimed to be was someone who dominates, and someone who enjoys sex only if the other person is completely submissive. He spoke with the confidence of experience. A lot of experience, and I almost started to feel as if he wasn’t a person but a cold and sexy machine. But the very next instant, he showed me that underneath it all he was really a human. Showed me he was just a man with desires who would even lose control occasionally. And showed me how!
They entered an elevator together and it was my world that spun around. Just a naughty bite on the lip and it finally pushed him into completely losing himself. He uttered ‘Fuck the paperwork’ and directly kissed her. But he didn’t just kiss her, he let go of his control that he held on to so tightly. And yet he wasn’t weakened by it. He asserted himself so fiercely, so completely engulfing her. He locked her wrists above her head and took her… and mine… breath away. And that instant I knew I was in grave danger.
She said, “…my wits have been thoroughly and royally scattered all over the floor and walls of elevator three in the Heathman Hotel.” And I thought, mine would be too. We are in the same boat, girl!
But what made me become totally deprived of any kind of wits whatsoever was when he talked dirty. Everytime he spoke about what love and sex was for him I would be left gulping.
“I don’t make love. I fuck, hard.”
He could be so brutal with his words and yet so unbearably hot. He would lay bare all his wildest emotions and the darkest of desires, and I would go weak in the knees. His honesty and unabashed sexuality would make such a heady cocktail, it would take a cold shower for me to sober up. And when I was happily consumed by lust, he threw me a new shade and I was completely dazzled again.
The sex machine Mr. Grey made love, the vanilla way, and I was sent into another whirlpool. He was sweet and gentle and giving. The most self-possessed person gave away all his tenderest emotions to her, just so she could have the most beautiful, the most pure first time. It was as if I could hear the piano playing a harmony in the background, sometimes like the gentle wind and sometimes like the gales and thunder.
I think that was when he truly fell in love with her, because that’s when he discovered his own power to give, and experienced the fulfilment of taking his girl by love and not by lust. He was just so adorable in the way he behaved when experiencing first love. The way he would greedily want to control everything about her, want to possess her badly, so everyone knew she belonged to him… my heart kept having these little explosions.
“It’s taking all my self-control not to fuck you on the hood of this car, just to show you that you’re mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I’ll buy you a fucking car”
And then suddenly he would drop something so affectionate, I would instantly melt.
“For you, Anastasia, I will try.”
How could all this be contained inside one man??
He appeared to be an extremly cold control-freak but that thorny exterior of his hid a bleeding heart. He was someone who didn’t even understand love, because all he was familiar with and all he had ever received was lust. But when someone came along, who was so special to him that made him want something more, he was afraid. He was so afraid it drove him mad and he pushed every hope of something new and good away, to shrink back to the familiar darkness. But he decided to overcome it and take a plunge. He let himself fall freely and completely. So vulnerable, and yet so brave. So brave, and yet so vulnerable. Where would I ever find such a man, who, one minute would make me feel like a delicate flower that needs to be kept in the palm of his hand and the next minute, like the only power that could ground him.
The guy who would treat me like a princess by day and fuck me like a beast by night.
I actually don’t care much about ‘princess treatment’ bit. *bites lip*
I just want to be possessed by him, to become something that solely belongs to him. He can take my body and my soul and do with it just as he pleases. He can dress me up, strip me down, curse me or caress me. I just want to feel his hands on me, gently touching me or gripping me in a tight hold. He can bind me, as long as I can be in his arms when I’m released. He can blindfold me, as long as it is his warm breath I feel on my bare skin. He can bite me, spank me, dig his fingers in my flesh, he can even make me bleed, as long as he is the one who heals my wounds. He can punish me, as I do not ever want to be absolved of this sin of loving him. I’ll do anything for him, become anyone he wants me to become, because I know my prize will be worth everything… and more. Much more.
