Why Should Men Have All The Hen!
“What are you DOING!!!!”
“What?”
“You are looking at that guy!”
“Well he is looking at me, too. Isn’t he?”
“Yes but he is a guy!! You will give him the wrong idea if you stare back.”
But I wanted to give that guy the wrong idea. Hell! I was THERE because I wanted to find I guy and give him the wrong idea.
Having broken up with a long time boyfriend, I was LOOKING for something casual. More importantly, my friend KNEW it. So why this moralising?
We were at a local watering hole, and I was all decked up. I had spent my share of time in yoga pants, cooped up in my room with pizza and Netflix.
I had spent enough nights crying over the breakup. I needed a rebound. I needed casual sex. Luckily, for me, I lived in a world filled with casual sex. I decided to give Tinder a miss, and fish for a guy old school style.
So I grabbed the nearest friend I found, and asked her out to be my wing-woman. Yet here she was, moralising like a Catholic nun! Clearly, I had grabbed the wrong friend for this exercise.
Nevertheless, I decided to give up my hunt and start a conversation on sexuality. There weren’t any guys worth my time, anyway. They reeked of patriarchy.
The guy had been looking at got intimidated by my forward behaviour. It was obvious that I was going home alone. So I thought I’ll engage my office friend in a little debate and amuse myself.
I told her that since I was LOOKING for casual sex, was I not supposed to give him the right idea? To this, my wise friend told me that I cannot let the guy KNOW that.
She told me that men need to feel like they are taking the girl home, instead of feeling like THEY are being taken home. “Nobody likes a forward-wise-ass-girl”, she said.
I came home, poured myself a glass of wine, and I lit my cigarette. I lived alone, so there was nothing better to do. As I sat on the balcony, overlooking the slums of New Delhi, I thought. I thought about what my friend had said so casually. In her head, women must always make the men think that they are incharge.
And as I thought about this, I realised that she was not alone in believing this. MOST of the women I knew were incharge of their relationships, and yet they acted like submissive little virgins in front of their menfolk.
I thought about the looks I got on bus stops and parking lots, on the days that I chose dresses that ended above my knees. I thought of the boys I had dated. I thought of the constant need of this world to ensure my submissiveness. The men I had known, always fighting to stay in control, had failed me.
My tendency of being in control, in life as much as in bed, was too much for their tiny masculine egos. Moreover, the women in my life had always made sure they told me so. I was told that ‘bossy’ women catch no husbands. I saw in movies and read in books.
A perfect romance was always the same- a damsel in distress (a helpless maiden) and a man in control of the relationship, as well as the storyline. It was all around me. I was surrounded by it.
A week later, when I had finally managed to secure a casual night of good solid fucking, I woke up glowing and satiated. The man in my bed, was a real man.
He might not have the ego of his fellow men, because he sure as hell was TAKEN home by a girl, instead of taking a girl home. But he had my respect. He was at peace with his sexuality and my forward personality did not threaten it. That, I believe, was another huge difference that set my sexuality apart.
I respected the men I took home. I respected men who had sex with me, even if just for a night. While the world believes in disrespecting women who do the same. While men disrespect those very women they slept with a night before.
So if a guy interests me, and seems interested, I look at him. I beckon him. I take him home. I treat sex as a part of my life, and I don’t pin my ‘character’ on it. Nor do I let anyone make me otherwise. And so should every girl!
